Help!

Ok so how does it all work then? Is ne body out there? I have several (daft) quesions. How do I take a nosey into other peoples blogs? How will ne 1 find mine? What the bloody hell is my url--can't find it ne where, therefore cannot spread the delights of my wonderfully wholesome (not) thoughts? And last but not least....How the f%$£ does Twitter work? I'm still tryna comprehend it, and failing, miserably!!! Is it some sort of legal stalking? I have no idea.
It's not doing the old nerves ne good. None at all. No, not by a long shot I'm already struggling with the fact I'll be 30, -yes, as in no longer in my twenties - in a month or so without this stress. It's making me feel ancient!

Furthermore while I'm at it ... WTF is with all ths abb that I hv no idea WOE people are sayin to me. Send me a breakdown some1 pls. I ried the dictionary, but with a distinct lack of vowels and, seemingly, sense, I hit a dead end. Again.

And here I was thinkin I'd finally caught up--no chance!